found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
