it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
