so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
