Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
