So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
