Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
