CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
