I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so let's talk penis.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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