Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
