If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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