Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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