Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
