fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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