i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
