No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
