i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
