She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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