kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
