oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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