He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
