she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
