What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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