TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
