Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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