He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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