dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
