She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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