I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize