It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
