Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
