She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
