i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My ATM looks so different sober.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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