apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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