How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
