My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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