Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
