he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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