whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
