i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
