True but thats because hes a fetus.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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