im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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