U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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