my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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