He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
