Do you still have your period?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
