If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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