he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
