weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
