I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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