...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
