my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
