billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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