Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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