She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
