so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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