No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
