I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
