You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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