I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
