Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
