i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
