It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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