please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
