No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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