he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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