She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
