he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
