Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so let's talk penis.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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