We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
