Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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